I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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