My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
