it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
