He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
