This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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