Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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