I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
