Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
