is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
