So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
