your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
