you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Vodka?
Forever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
