you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
