Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
