used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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