Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
