so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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