Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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