I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
