i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
