my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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