i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
