Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
