butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
babies were throwing up all over the place
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
