Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
