sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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