hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
