There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
