there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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