Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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