everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
