my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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