Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
