Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
