ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
