But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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