Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
