I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
