from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
