omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
