I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
