The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
