Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How external is "for external use only"?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
