I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
