so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
