i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
And then he peed in my hair
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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