they need to just BURY HIM!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
