i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
