In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You dont lie about slip and slides
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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