I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
