PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
